Marriage

Marriage, Relationships

Have we fallen out of the idea of love?

Love and marriage – it is a topic that keeps on giving. In the past few months, there were several stories on AltMuslimah and other sites echoing the need for an easier environment for Muslims to meet and marry other Muslims. In January, the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding published a report on the trends in American Muslim marriage and divorce and in February, “Love: InshAllah: The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women,” was published. In May, the Vancouver Sun republished an archived article from 1997 on why Muslim women marry non-Muslim men and it went viral through social media.

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Courtship, Marriage, Relationships

Why are parents making it hard to complete half our deen?

“Sorry, we’re looking for a doctor.”
“We want someone from Pakistan, not India.”
“He is too dark.”
“We have a gut feeling that he is not the right person for you.”
Do these statements sound familiar?
If you are one of the many Muslims engaged in the marriage process, it is likely you have heard similar phrases from your parents or even the parents of possible suitors.

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Marriage, Relationships

13 Going on 30

In exactly one month, I will turn 30. See, you’re doing it too! I can practically hear you doing it. Something as subtle as one raised eyebrow, a slight widening of the eyes, or an uncomfortable shuffling of the feet. Or something a little more vocal: “The Big 3-0!” you’ll boom. Or “Wow, the dirty thirty!” My turning 30, it seems, holds more weight, more momentous heft for everyone else than it does for me.

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InLaws, Marriage, Relationships

Want your marriage to last? Get premarital counseling

I spent my time at a recent wedding listening to people’s marriage problems. As the guests danced the night away in celebration, I sat in the back of the hall talking about shattered dreams and unfulfilled expectations. Sometimes, we had to scream to hear each other over the music. There was the young woman whose husband wouldn’t let her finish her education. Then, a friend wanted advice about dealing with her in-laws. And a mother cried as she shared her worries about welcoming her daughter home as a divorcee.

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altMen, Family, Marriage, Relationships

Dude, where’s my masculinity?

<< From the AltMuslimah Archives >>
There is an unprecedented global shift in gender relations taking place. Until our communities recognize and respond to this shift, the critical task of deconstructing the accepted rules of masculinity will remain undone, and the difficulty of finding suitable marriage partners will continue to frustrate us all.

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altMen, Courtship, Marriage, Relationships

There are just no good Muslim women out there

I shouldn’t take this any further. Apart from not being true, it’s a diatribe that obfuscates something deeper (just as the parallel, but unnervingly more standard retreat, “Where are all the good Muslim men?” does). The degree of intelligent, sincere, socially conscious, and admirable Muslim women I meet is staggering, many of whom in a previous life I wouldn’t have hesitated asking out to dinner to get to know better. Yet, I find myself simply put off by Muslim women. << From the AltMuslimah Archives >>

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Courtship, Marriage, Relationships

On singlehood

“Half our deen” is the chanted mantra when it comes to attitudes towards marriage. I like it, I respect it, and I have no doubt about the fact that the institution of marriage is intrinsically beautiful. It’s a form of companionship that is the foundation of a family and is, without question, one of Allah’s infinite mercies upon humanity.

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altMen, Courtship, Family, Marriage, Relationships

Response to Sajid Hassan: Are Muslim men scared of professional single Muslim women in their thirties?

A recent article on altmuslimah.com entitled “Searching for Khadijah: A boy’s perspective” by Sajid Hassan garnered quite a bit of attention as evidenced by the long string of passionate comments it received, far more than most other articles on Altmuslimah. The article described the pressure that professional Muslim American women face from their families and their social circles to get married in their early twenties, because it becomes much more difficult to find a partner once they hit their thirties.

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Marriage, Relationships

Marriage, realism and rugs

Marriage is not just a piece of paper. It’s an agreement that two people will create and build a relationship together. Is that unromantic? Maybe it seems that way because we think of contracts as regulating things like house purchases, business transactions, loans and financial agreements. We like – in fact we demand – strong binding written commitments when it comes to the inanimate things in our lives. So why don’t we take the same approach to the agreement that is probably the most important thing in our life and will have the greatest impact on us – the relationship with our partner?

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Marriage, Relationships

Part 3 of the debate: Should Muslim women be able to marry non-Muslim men?

When Huma Abedin, aide to Hilary Clinton, married Anthony Weiner, New York Congressman, it sent tongues wagging in the Muslim community. She did the unthinkable, the ultimate taboo for a good Muslim girl from a good Muslim family – she married a Jew… and he did not convert. O-M-G. The question that makes even the most open-minded Imams squirm was revived – Can a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man? The answer in all the major schools of thought has traditionally been a resounding NO. Absolutely, not. Not ever. Haraam, sister.

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