Polygamy: A practical option
“Mehr, you are a University of Chicago graduate—liberated and educated. What are you saying?” asked my non-Muslim friend incredulously. “Forget about the illegality of polygamy in the U.S., it’s just not you!”
Read MoreRelationships
How to lose a guy in 30 days
Oh, Ramadan. How I have a love/hate relationship with you. I love you because it’s a month of spiritual cleansing and discipline. I hate you because I have to come up with answers for every question posed by non-Muslims about fasting. Usually, it’s something to the effect of “you really can’t eat from sunrise to sunset?”, “Is it hard?”, “Do you lose weight?”, “Can you just sleep all day?”
Read MoreHave we fallen out of the idea of love?
Love and marriage – it is a topic that keeps on giving. In the past few months, there were several stories on AltMuslimah and other sites echoing the need for an easier environment for Muslims to meet and marry other Muslims. In January, the Institute for Social Policy and Understanding published a report on the trends in American Muslim marriage and divorce and in February, “Love: InshAllah: The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women,” was published. In May, the Vancouver Sun republished an archived article from 1997 on why Muslim women marry non-Muslim men and it went viral through social media.
Read MoreWhy are parents making it hard to complete half our deen?
“Sorry, we’re looking for a doctor.”
“We want someone from Pakistan, not India.”
“He is too dark.”
“We have a gut feeling that he is not the right person for you.”
Do these statements sound familiar?
If you are one of the many Muslims engaged in the marriage process, it is likely you have heard similar phrases from your parents or even the parents of possible suitors.
13 Going on 30
In exactly one month, I will turn 30. See, you’re doing it too! I can practically hear you doing it. Something as subtle as one raised eyebrow, a slight widening of the eyes, or an uncomfortable shuffling of the feet. Or something a little more vocal: “The Big 3-0!” you’ll boom. Or “Wow, the dirty thirty!” My turning 30, it seems, holds more weight, more momentous heft for everyone else than it does for me.
Read MoreMother’s Mother’s Mother’s Day reflections
It is difficult on Mother’s Day not to think about the famous hadith where a man asks the Prophet (pbuh) about who is most deserving of his time, to which the Prophet (pbuh) responded, “Your mother.” “And then who?” “Your mother.” “And then who? Your mother.” “And then who?” The Prophet (pbuh) finally said, “Your father.” Indeed, as a young man, I have been taught and accept the extra special station of the mother in Islamic philosophy, even in relation to the father.
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Sex and Islam do mix, but not in America
America’s contradictory and passive-aggressive dalliance with sexuality is reflected within its Muslim communities. For some, it is difficult to believe that sexual organs function the same whether they are hidden behind a burqa or a bikini. As a Muslim man, I can verify that Muslims experience the same universal awkwardness of finding “hair in new places” as any other pimpled adolescent; the onslaught of puberty is precisely the time when parents need to have the “birds and the bees” talk to facilitate open lines of communication guiding them through these changes.
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A male response to Zeba
<< From the AltMuslimah Archives >> Zeba Iqbal wrote a series of articles concerning the state of gender relations in the Muslim-American community. Although she focused on matrimony for over-30 women, I think she highlights a much larger issue of what expectations are for and from men and women. Zeba asks where all the men have gone. Short answer, it’s a patriarchy, we screwed up, but we are in a position of privilege, so we will tell you it is your fault. You now have the opportunity to change us.
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An anthology of love—Muslim style
It is a universal truth—although not universally acknowledged—that we all share the desire to love and be loved for who we are. We see ourselves reflected in love stories, regardless of how far removed in time and place they might be from our lives. The perennial popularity of period romances—“Downton Abbey” anyone?—shows that beneath the robes or corsets, the heart flutters in ways that we instinctively recognize even today.
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Want your marriage to last? Get premarital counseling
I spent my time at a recent wedding listening to people’s marriage problems. As the guests danced the night away in celebration, I sat in the back of the hall talking about shattered dreams and unfulfilled expectations. Sometimes, we had to scream to hear each other over the music. There was the young woman whose husband wouldn’t let her finish her education. Then, a friend wanted advice about dealing with her in-laws. And a mother cried as she shared her worries about welcoming her daughter home as a divorcee.
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