Relationships

Islam brought a new social and legal structure to a community that had no form of government, no set of laws, and a loosely based morality code. Among the practices which came to an end with the rise of Islam were the inequities that women dealt with in marriage, such as protection against being inherited, forced into marriage, or denied financial compensation. But as certain types of temporary marriage gain religious sanction by certain scholars, Muslims should be wary of these types of marriage due to the negation of these basic rights.

The existence of “misyar” marriages and the fact that they are being advertised on websites similar to western ones proposing sexual dalliances exposes the hollowness of the idea that prohibition eliminates the desire for promiscuity.

For far too long Muslim women have been the recipients of proposals, rather than the instigators. A friend of mine broke it down for me the other day in a brutally honest statement: the men go and find wives and the women sit at home waiting for husbands to find them. However much the defiant teenager in me argued against this, I have to admit, my friend was right. At 22, I am not exactly a veteran of courting á la Muslim, but I will unashamedly admit that I have been husband-hunting since the age of about minus seven. Not because I am obsessed with the prospect of getting married, but quite the opposite.

Rare is the day that my Facebook homepage doesn’t tell me about a link uploaded by another single Muslim to a story that details the newest facts and figures of sex. On the days when the links do show up, I have to fight the urge to respond to these posts, in all caps, that YOU SINGLE FOLKS SHOULD REALLY START DOING IT AND ENJOYING IT SO THAT YOU CAN STOP INTELLECTUALIZING IT. With all the talk of sex that single twenty and thirty-something Muslims engage in, I wonder why they aren’t doing more of it.

Washington DC’s Muslim Public Service Network (MPSN), a summer public service fellowship program, and DC Green Muslims, a community Islamic environmental group are two examples of activism in co-gender Muslim environments. We speak to two young activists to find out how this type of activism works within an Islamic framework and why it can be one way to promote healthy gender interactions while working for the common good.

The Prophet has stated, “The greatest sin amongst all sins in the eyes of God is of a person, who marries a woman and divorces her once his needs have been fulfilled and also usurps her dowry in the process…” (Al-Hakim and Al-Bayhaqi Ibn Umar). In the last couple of decades, the American Muslim community has unfortunately witnessed a growing trend in which respectable, well-known Muslim men marry and then divorce Muslim women in a secret, serial manner.

Stories about polygamy tend to surge and ebb in the media, but they never fail to intrigue people. Recently in South Africa, a Zulu man married four women–all at once–making the most popular story on the BBC news website. In the video, a male wedding guest gives a thumbs-up to the marriage(s), claiming that monogamous marriages across the world are breaking down as a result of adultery.

When my husband finally makes his way down the stairs, my frustration abates and he and I sit across from each other and share our early morning meal. We speak intermittently and keep one eye trained on the clock to ensure we finish our food by the time dawn prayers begin. Despite the sparse conversation and the hurried meal, I enjoy the feeling that we are both beginning our obligatory fasts together, as a unit.