There is a right way and a wrong way to get to know someone for marriage. The wrong way is to get caught up in the excitement and nuance of a budding relationship and in the process completely forget to ask the critical questions that help determine compatibility. One of the biggest mistakes that many young Muslims make is rushing into marriage without properly and thoroughly getting to know someone.
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It has never been my nature to attract romantic love, or to stumble into it unawares. The men I studied and worked with rarely interested in me, and I don’t believe I interested them either. I was discreet, invisible, unseen, unheard. I was content with being a colleague, a classmate, an acquaintance – nothing more. It has also never been my nature to share myself with others. I have always written, but have been too shy to share it publically.
Read MoreI often joke with my husband of three months that we are currently in transition into full matriarchal rule, and I would not mind being referred to as “Her Royal Highness.” To this he responds with amused laughter, but in truth we both know that we are equal partners in this journey. Marriage will always be a work in progress- there will be constant renewal of our intentions as we evolve and our maturity is tested.
Read MoreMy marriage had taken me all over the Muslim world; to Mecca, Cairo, Kabul, and countless countries in between. I would even venture to say that over the course of my 12 year union, I experienced more “Islam” than many Muslims will know in their lifetimes.
Yet, I left the relationship to dive deeper into my faith in a manner that felt more organic and honest. To some, this admission makes me selfish. To others, it paints me brave.
<< From the AltMuslimah Archives >> I sat cross-legged on the thick carpet in my parents’ bedroom making my way through a bowl of watermelon slices. Creases had formed on my embroidered tea pink shalwar, and had my mother or great aunt walked into the room, they would have reproached me for lounging on the floor and ruining the crisp, freshly ironed lines of my outfit. As it were though, they, along with my father, sat downstairs in the formal living room meeting with a potential suitor for me.
Read MoreDuring our search for a spouse, and even once we are married and settled, we tend to focus outwardly on our relationships with others and minimize the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves. This imbalance can manifest itself in many ways. We may completely lose our senses in the initial rush of a relationship or marriage, or fall to pieces in its painful demise.
Read MoreWell, it’s finally happened. I knew intellectually that it would but was not prepared for when it actually hit. The first of my daughter’s friends just got engaged. My daughter is 19. Her friend is also 19. Nineteen is younger than 20 and 20 is still a baby. To say I’m having a little trouble wrapping my brain around this concept is an understatement.
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When you hang out with single people, and happen to be single, the conversation inevitably comes around to the “marriage process.” I started to notice a pattern in the sorts of things guys complained about while using online services like http://www.halfourdeen.com or even e-harmony. While I am writing from a guy’s perspective about what Muslim men perceive as challenges when they search online for a potential mate, I firmly believe the advice applies equally to both women and men.
Read MoreMy fairy tale seems to be less Cinderella and more Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I am not the princess dreaming in her tower of love and a Prince who’ll sweep her off her feet, but the girl who wandered off in search of comfort and exploration and who views the world with an inherent practicality. I receive (unsolicited) advice these days on all the things I need to change so that I’m not too hot or too cold, too hard or too soft, too big or too small. Things that will apparently make me just right.
Read More“And among His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find comfort and repose in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (Qur’an 30:21)
After reading Mehrunisa Qayyum’s article, “Polygamy: A Practical Option,” on Altmuslimah, I found myself ruminating on the value of this discussion as it relates to women and their right to autonomy and self-determination.