marriage

Relationships

A married woman

When I was growing up, my Iraqi-born mother responded to my requests to travel alone, consider schools out-of-state, or stay out late with friends with the same answer, “When you get married.” Once I got married, I’d be somebody else’s problem. Then, it wouldn’t be her place to tell me no. Then, it would be my husband’s job to worry about me.Marriage, in my adolescent mind, was the only way to an independent adulthood. Western culture may have referred to marriage as settling down, but I associated it with freedom

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Relationships

Half Agony, Half Hope

“Do you have any children?” a nice woman making small talk asks me.
I reply pleasantly, “No, I don’t,” but my inner monologue is racing.
“Children? I don’t have children because I don’t have a husband.
I don’t have a husband because I never had a romantic relationship with a guy.
I never had a boyfriend, I’ve never even been kissed and I’m way older than
Drew Barrymore was when she was in that movie with Michael Vartan!
I’m older than Jesus ( AS) when he was on this earth! Oh God, what if it’s too late for me to have children?“

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Advice & Relationships, Columns, Courtship, Divorce, Marriage, Relationships

Introducing our newest columnist: Relationship counselor, Salma Abugideiri

Please welcome Salma Abugideiri as our newest relationship columnist. Her column will appear bi-weekly, alternating with our other column, AskM. Salma is a licensed, professional counselor with over fifteen years of experience. Her practice is in Northern Virginia. You can find more information on her website: wellnessthroughcounseling.com. She is also a founding Board Member of Peaceful Families Project, a national organization dedicated to domestic violence prevention in the Muslim community.

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Columns, Editorials

On matchmaking

In a piece in which I discussed the ways we can reform traditional South Asian marriage customs, I touched upon the role of matchmakers. Their role is one I had been pondering long before I conceived those thoughts.

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Courtship, Marriage, Relationships

Five ways we can reform the “traditional desi marriage” process

I am fascinated by the depth of emotion and expression of diverse perspectives evoked by the Love InshAllah blogpost “How I met my son’s mother” by Mezba Mahtab. Women and men, married and unmarried, single by choice and by chance, spoke up, and, in light of their personal stories, explained why the piece was based on ill-founded notions and this approach to marriage is detrimental to our communities.
The online community may be up in arms over the issue, but the truth is, this “buyer’s market” (as Aisha Saeed aptly called it in her response) isn’t going anywhere.

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Children, Family, Parenthood

Accidentally childfree

I never imagined that I would one day be discussing a childfree life, let alone my childfree life. I had never been taught to think of this as an option. We’re a family-centered lot, you see. So family-centered that any display of individual separateness is rarely encouraged. You belong to us and we belong to you. And in continuing this cycle of our us-ness, we must have children of our own, for our own.

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Courtship, Marriage, Relationships

Why are parents making it hard to complete half our deen?

“Sorry, we’re looking for a doctor.”
“We want someone from Pakistan, not India.”
“He is too dark.”
“We have a gut feeling that he is not the right person for you.”
Do these statements sound familiar?
If you are one of the many Muslims engaged in the marriage process, it is likely you have heard similar phrases from your parents or even the parents of possible suitors.

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